I'm at an age where I thought I would be settled into a normal complacency but I keep changing and growing and a lot of it has to do with my daughter who is now 12. I had her when I was 41. Raising her is one of the hardest jobs I've had because as a parent I am constantly making mistakes and learning from them. 2020 has brought me to a place of undoing the white wash job I didn't know I did. While I'm proud of my ghetto country roots I've unknowingly moved my daughter away from embracing her own blackness and neglecting her history.
I feel I'm not narcissistic and arrogant enough for this day and age. I see so many new companies branded with names of owners, I wonder if I'm doing myself a disservice. I write and publish under my Espresso Mischief brand. I run my businesses under CKO Creator and Espresso Mischief Designs. You don't see the name Phyllis until you're at the site.
Even now, I find it most challenging to write about myself. What about me is interesting. The fact that I go around telling folks I don't like kids, but I have a heart for kids. Another fact is that I prefer boy talk over bourbon and cigars to wine with the girls. I have strong mom tendencies that make me want to protect those around me, regardless of age.
I won't hide my struggle of feeling no one would care if I died even though I know I am loved. This love has no bearing on how I feel. I won't hide that I can walk tall yet feel small. Most of all I won't hide the words that have escaped my mind, land on paper and reveal my soul. With all my flaws and insecurities I've decided to be my loud self and embrace my desire to speak life into those who will listen. I'm will no longer be uncomfortable to make others comfortable in my presence.
Phyllis Williams-Strawder was the business behind Bigmista’s Barbecue As a barbecue wife, she appeared on The Great Food Truck Race and Man Fire Food with her husband, Neil. She gave up bbq life and turned homeschooling duties over to her husband in order to write and become a business/life coach. Happily, she moved her smokin’ husband, witty daughter, and dog, from Long Beach, California to Medford, Oregon in the summer of 2018 with no regrets.
Phyllis has a degree in Business Finance and recently became a certified life coach. She is an alum of the Goldman Sachs 10K Small Business executive program and a recent alum of the Leadership Long Beach Institute. Strawder is a past member of the Long Beach City College Culinary Advisory Committee and a certified bbq judge.